The Old Maid Song

Cat. #0719 (MFH #65) - As sung by Floyd McGinnis, Pea Ridge, Arkansas on May 20, 1969

I'll tell you a story about a burglar man
He went to rob a house
In at th open door, he went
Quitely as a mouse
Think'n everything was alright
He crept up close to th wall
He didn't know it was an old maids room
Or he wouldn't had th gall

At nine a'clock an ole maid came in
Gee, but tired, she said
Think'n everything was alright
She forgot t' look under th bed
So, she took our 'er teeth an' big glass eye
An' th hair from th top o' 'er head
This burglar man had seventeen fits
When he looked from under th bed

From under th bed this burglar crept
He was a total wreck
The old maid she didn't holler at t'all
She just grabbed him around th neck
She never fainted or shouted
She was just a calm as a clam
Alas, my prayers 've been answered, she said
I have found me a man

The old maid, her revolver drew
To th burglar said
Young man you've got to marry me
Or I'll blow off th top of your head
Well, he looked at th teeth, and th big glass eye
An' he had no place to scoot
So he said, to th ole maid stand'n there
Woman, fer Gods sake shoot